It’s not gonna be anything positive,
and maybe slightly/completely negative but I feel that I needed to just pour
out some feelings over here.
Here it goes:
Dear parents,
First of all, I know you guys are
concerned about me coming home late and all. Let me first stress on the point
that I’m not playing truant or anything. If I was, I’d actually started smoking
and drinking regularly. Now that would be something new to see. I’m not having
any secret relationship or BGR that requires me to stay out late and anything.
I’m not even trying to go against you guys or anything. If I had been playing
truant, I’d have lied, I’d have stayed out past midnight then use your money to
cab back, I’d have lied about needing expenses for school stuff and then use
that for my own personal use e.g clothes and shit.
The reason why I’m staying out late
because poly life works like that. You guys don’t actually absorb the fact that
my classes start in the AFTERNOON. So obviously it’ll end in the evening or
NIGHT.
Monday : 1pm – 5 pm then cca from 6.30
pm – 8.30 pm,
Tuesday : 2pm – 6 pm
Wednesday : 9 am - 8 pm
Thursday : 2 pm – 6pm
Friday : 2 pm – 6 pm too.
Now you guys would totally expect me to
be able to reach home by 8 let’s say. I wouldn’t say it’s impossible, and that
is if I didn’t have a social life and project meetings and cca and a 1 hour +
ride home that is.
Lol there’s a woman staring at my
laptop reading everything on it.
Judge me for all I care. (:
Yeah I come home at 10pm + everyday,
almost 11 pm. And last night was 12 am + . Then dad talked to me asking what I
did outside.
I can’t blame myself if I have dance
practice right?
Maybe I can, I can blame myself only
for the reason that I don’t tell you guys anything at all. But let’s not talk
bout that for now.
I’m currently participating nin the
dance for the “Never Let You Go” seminar. Why am I participating in it? Cuz it
allows me to interact with my close friends. And I could at least deduct a CCA
point from it.
That’s why I come home so late
everyday for this whole week, tryna to practice the choreo, get it right and
everything. If I didn’t complete the whole practice I’ll just pull the group
down by making my performance so lousy audience would just judge us right?
Now moving on to the fact that I don’t
exactly tell you guys anything at all. I’ll like to point out that I’m a very
private person, as much as I’m blogging here but still not everybody would know
what I do at home or outside in school. It’s not that it has to be secret or
what, it’s just that I don’t share information about my profile or what I do in
life. I don’t feel a need to and no one exactly asked either. I guess I’m
pretty mysterious since I listen to others but I haven’t exactly told my
problems to people, except for a few. And I also don’t tell you guys much
because you two would always be judging me and commenting on what I do. It’s
not funny you know. It’s irritating and annoying bout how every single thing I do,
or buy, there’d be comments. Like how I auditioned for NRA telling my sis I
really wanted to do dance and yes I really wanted it so badly, and then now
she’s still trolling me on the fact that “you so busy still want to do dance”
Why can’t I do what I wanna do? There’s nothing wrong with it. So why comment?
Every time there’s a new comment bout my life’s doings, I retreat back into my
shell a little bit more. I keep quiet when you guys talk about what I do. Like
this morning, mum you actually went to ransack my bag when I was changing. No
wonder I felt odd that the bag was placed that way. And then you still
disapprove the dress and everything. Dude it’s my money, and it’s not $40 or
$70 or a $100 bucks. It’s $29 and I think it’s worth it even if I can’t wear it
again but I can wear it for maybe prom or shit because I doubt my body would
grow much anyways.
Next, i expected the part about comparing my poly to my sister's poly last time and how it worked. Hello, Sis went for poly like, 5-6 years ago at least and it wasn't as stressful as it is now. Furthermore, it's a different poly and different poly works differently. So why the comparison? Must you compare what works in the past and what is working in the present? That is in the past, and poly life now is so much different from 5-6 years ago so why can't you guys understand my point of view? Honestly i know you guys won't be able to understand it at all. I knew it from the start, even before anything was said.
I also need a social life, and when can i have that social interaction? Only at night, when everybody's free because my lessons are in the afternoon. And everybody has different schedules. even if i chat, it's at most an hour or so, nothing more. Because we all have to get going and finish our assignments. If i didn't have a social life and just came home doing all my assignments everyday and still continuing to save money, i'd collapse sooner than when i have a social life. I'd be dead inside, and dead outside too. You want me to be gloomy in the house, or hyper? I could just be a silent presence in the house like what i'm sorta doing right now because of my schedule, just that i'd do it with intention instead.
Really, i can't say all of these out, and why is that?
Because you guys will judge, and shoot every single thing back at me.
I love you mum and dad, but really sometimes, or rather nowadays i just can't take what you guys are doing.
Playing crosswords all the time so much you get distracted, gets me a lil put off because it won't be healthy too.
And my course is really strenuous, but you two will never understand it because you two can't put yourselves in my shoes. I'm starting to love my course though, i really am.
Sometimes, no wait, recently, i've been wanting to really just escape from reality for a while.
I wanted/want to lose my memory for a month at least?
To give my mind a break, to give my heart a vacation from dealing with all these nonsense.
I'm half stressed and half not stressed but this is just giving me pressure.
I need a temporary escape from reality.
Just for 1 month.
p.s I still love my mum and dad. <3 :)
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