Emotional thoughts.

Wow it's already 2 am, and i'm still awake even after

staying up till 6.30 AM last night to complete my A&D assignment T.T

You know, i realize that people pour out their thoughts late at

night on blogs. Like at 2 am, i'm still blogging lol.

And 2 AM's the time for emotional thoughts,

for mixed feelings, and soft ballads to be played.

It's exactly what i'm doing at this moment.

Just now, something occurred to me while i was talking,

and it got me thinking and feeling demoralized.

I'm always the listener, i guess it was just my natural role 

as a person to listen to others problems and personal roles.

But just a lil lately, i've realized that there're some people who're

somehow always talking about themselves one way or another.

When you're talking bout this situation, he/she manages to

insert himself/herself into the picture and we

end up talking about their lives.

I'm not judging (as i said, i'm not gonna judge anyone in poly),

but sometimes it kinda gets on my nerves and it's

getting more frequent as it's becoming noticeable.

And then sometimes they leave abruptly during the conversation, 

leaving you thinking, 

'am i being used as a tool for listening?'

Sometimes, or at times like this,

 I wonder if i'm used as a tool for entertaining. 

I might be a listener, but i'll like to exchange roles once in a while too.

Sometimes when i talk about my problems

or my personal life, 

or even about other people,

[i only do this willingly and not on command

just as i've told Syasya just now]

i can feel the damn that people whom i'm 

talking to do not give.

Maybe i'm paranoid or too sensitive, but

i just really feel that people do not care

whereas i give every bit and ounce of my concern to other people's

lives and troubles.

Now moving on to my.er.love life?

This has also got me thinking how,

i'd say this guy is hot, that guy is hot,

and i know they're all hot, 

but i just don't give a damn after i realize that.

I don't get attracted like how people normally do.

I don't get that 'spark', a signal for infatuation.

Then i start to wonder, 

What if something's wrong with me?

Maybe i'm just not interested in anyone at the moment?

Maybe what if my heart's just cold towards any infatuation,

having learnt all the mistakes from the past?

And maybe because of that it turned into stone?

That'll explain why i don't feel anything in terms of getting 

attracted or what.

But i'm not sure.

What if i actually do like the person 

but i'm just holding back the feelings cuz 

my heart's tightly secured this time?

I'm pretty sure my heart's just not ready for 

opening up completely for another love interest/lesson?

Ahhhh i don't know lah.

I'm so weird man.

The life of a #pisces *sigh*

"I am now in a world where i have to hide my heart." - Christina Aguilera , Reflection