Landfill ;

And then I remember the pain I felt that morning.

Or the pain I felt those nights.

You know the feeling when you see something happen again right in front of your eyes?

That same something that you're unable to do anything about it.

The exact something that you've tried, and almost sunk into a desperate attempt, to save it.

This specific something that you don't want to see a reenactment or a repeat of. 

Well it happened in the blink of an eye, without my control.

Even if I wasn't and hadn't originally been a part of it, it's just that somehow,

I believe I have a part in all this mess.

By some special means or maybe my words and feelings.

And no, it does matter. It isn't alright. 

I just feel so sad that friends have been hurt, hearts have been broken down and minds have fallen apart.

Because I understand how it feels to have that gaping hole in your heart that you

somehow feel it's actually, literally bleeding right out from it.

How rejection can drive someone to extreme measures;

How the pain of keeping a secret about love can be disastrous; 

How hearing something can almost be a stab to the heart;

How the hurt is still there as you continue to put others ahead of yourself.

How there is no one, who can comfort you or listen to you because you can't either tell them or they are the subject of your depression.

I'm not just speaking in terms of a romantic context, but rather in a general way.

To be honest, I'd hate to admit that love destroys friendship. 

Because I don't think that it always ruin the bond.

Especially in cases when you can keep it together and not go crazy and break down from it.

In other words, strong self-denial, self-control and willpower. 

And a damn good shield to protect your heart and feelings with.

TO prevent yourself from collapsing.

I don't know what else to say, but I must say something.

I'm just sad that's all.

So sad.

Because of various reasons. 

Sad and pity for others, sad because of my own feelings, sad of the future, and 

sad because this is all so crazy.

Sad because I have to make a decision.

Today, my hands shook;
Body exhausted, head in full function.
But the heart is weak even as the defences are up.
So the hands trembled for it.

I shall let this sadness run me over tonight.

Even in and/or with full knowledge that some people wouldn't ask me

what happened nor spare a thought of concern for a friend,

I shall still let this sadness take over me.