Such an ironic picture for this post.
in within a metre radius of where I am.
But it's so hard to stop it from coming out, as if there's no space to keep it in anymore.
That's why I take it outside for a run.
However sometimes, you're just so stressed up over imminent and occurring problems
and over- thinking about situations and trying to sort out feelings that are everywhere
or nowhere.
I can literally feel these negativity churning and leaking to the outside whenever life
gets the better of me.
Breathing out air, it's heavy, heavier than the smoke from a cigarette.
Since.
Life is my cigarette;
It kills me slowly, starting from the outside.
Once it sneaks inside, it becomes a fast process.
Smoke to die or smoke to relieve,
either way your life ends gradually.
Society is my drug;
Faking a smile to avoid problems with people.
Hallucinating so we can't see the darkness in others.
Flipping our vision to only view fantasies and cut reality.
Like it's a censored film that only matured adults may experience.
Love is my alcohol;
Drinking excessively to temporarily forget your identity,
Who is someone you love and loathe at the same time.
Messing up so words unspoken are revealed;
Emotions are unraveled from the mixed numbness in the heart.
Finding any sort of clue that I can from this fickle-minded,
emotionless-emotion beating drum.
Searching for any abandoned feeling out of the turmoil of
feelings to slowly sort myself out one by one.
To learn how to love myself.
Always worrying when it wants to pour out because
it could envelope the air with this weight and bring everyone down with me.
Feeling like this whenever I come home and it's not right.
Need to take it out somewhere.
Then again, there's no time at all to be weeping.
There's no time to mope around, no time to be failing assignments.
No time to be worrying, no time.
There's only time to keep going even if things have already fallen apart.
Have to get my act together and bring others up too.
Too many people are broken/sad around me,
still gotta try.
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