I see myself as someone who is rather capricious.
And man all these panic attacks ayes
Finally I’m down to this post.
Whilst at Chinatown searching for Sam’s secret santa present, I asked Vienna what she thought of me. During the last photo shoot with Fanny, she texted me and asked about my whereabouts, what I was doing and then subsequently asked me to quit being mysterious (cuz I wasn't answering her much heh) -you’re gonna call me an annoying prick -
Since then, I'd been curious about what I seemed like to people.
On that day outside the LOMOGRAPHY store, I asked her.
She stated it’s like seeing the sun. Then the clouds cover it. Sun comes out. Clouds cover it.
I can't remember if there's rain involved though.
So basically it's like sometimes she just wants a sunny day but it ends up being cloudy.
In other words, I reveal a bit, then suddenly I close up and never talk about it again.
Kinda amusing how I unknowingly create very anti-climatic situations for her.
AS what Sulaiman would describe, it's 'potong-steam'.
One instance would be when I tell the person like 'hey I wanna tell you something' and then afterwards
I say 'I think nevermind after thinking about it I shouldn't tell you yet'
(cuz I thought more and more about it).
And so I thought about it later on; about being a mystery part and all.
Thing is, as much as I can see how people are like on the outside and inside, it doesn't work the same way opposite.
MAYBE, just maybe I'm a bit too uh, reserved or self-restrained.
What's amusing (yet again) is that this blog is public and people for one fact still find me mysterious.
Do I not reveal everything on my blog as it already does?!
Now that I recall, I seem to die in most Werewolf games BECAUSE
- People SUSPECT ME of being the werewolf killing the villagers
as well as in NORMAL games goddamit because
2. I have that SUSPICIOUS face like come ON do I really look like I'm hiding shit LOL
Well I came up with a few reasons why I don't express myself a lot.
- I can't express myself well. THE IRONY since this is a platform to EXPRESS. Heh.
- Don't wanna burden people with my problems and my life
- People talk about their lives (both materialistic and not) most of the time; and I don't really speak up about it
- I personally feel selfish when I talk to people about things relating to = myself.
- Personal space cuz I feel vulnerable if I reveal too much (actually considered putting this out there or not but AIYA FUCK IT man these insecurities can get a fucking life)
Hmmm I wrote this post in the hopes of coming up with a solution but looks like there's none as of this moment.
Guess expressing myself has got to be developed slowly.
Nevertheless, still very entertained to find that one may find me a mystery. :B
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