The Fault In My Tears
I was going to blog about some rather strange, melancholy/depressing/sad feels tonight
until I played a song from Auditionsea that is reallyy reallyyy positive.
But no I'm still gonna blog about it.
So tonight, I did not cry at The Fault In Our Stars.
It's said that many people have cried over the movie, and it's great and all.
But man not for a second did I cry nor did I want to cry nor did I need to cry.
TFIOS felt rather draggy; it felt prolonged for some reason, yet at the same time it felt like it happened too quickly - their encounter with each other was a tad bit too fast.
And at the same time my eyes got dry from my lenses, I got hungry (and tried to prevent my dying whale stomach noises from reverberating hence the excessive drinking of water).
Plus the exhaustion from working in the morning and the lack of adrenaline rush.
There was quite a bit of sniffle and sobs and some "awwww" during the duration of the film.
The four of us, Avery, Rina, Waylon and I were just, to put it bluntly, turned off.
Our expressions should have been like: .____. or -______-
OK but that's not the point.
Not crying at TFIOS made me think about a lot of things.
And suddenly, all the issues that I thought would be buried for quite some time, surfaced.
What was supposed to be a burial of my questioning whether I was heartless became an awakening.
Just like a debate, but now I'll have to put (eternal) in front of it.
Only because I thought I wouldn't have had to think about this issue for a long time.
Sometimes it does feel like it's true; the heartless/emotionless feeling, one of void, one of nothingness.
Perhaps for one Aaron (rina's bf) might have been right; we all went in with some sort of expectation only to be disappointed for real.
(And now Looking For Alaska is going to be made wtf lol GAH SHOULD I EVEN WATCH THIS)
Just, everything after that made me feel so ... sullen.
How could I cry at Lilo and Stitch and not at TFIOS?
Then again that was over a year or two so I'm not sure whether I'd cry or anything.
It's a redundant worry but being emotionless is really the end of it all.
Because you know not what you want, you know not what you may feel, you know not whether you're feeling, you know not whether you're alive or dead (metaphorically).
The ironic thing is, I think I'm feeling much more deeply at this age.
Maybe it's like what Nyiyaz had said a long time ago (and I probably mentioned this before),
along the lines that perhaps one may have too much bottled up emotions.
It doesn't give way to for one to love, nor does it give way for tears.
Maybe.
It's just that the aftermath of TFIOS was really terrible.
That and other problems which shouldn't even be on this platform.
Among that, I've had a pretty sot night, finally gotten my film developed but it turns out
Audrey actually bought the wrong type of film because that film is the one that's used on a projector or something so I can't print pictures out.
Gotta ask Sam that soon when I have time.
Thank goodness it works though, been wanting to see the Innocence picture for a long time and it's out. :)
Also received my money back in $2 notes thank you Rina -_-
Or how defeating Rina and Waylon's asses in Audition would be so much fun (even if Audition is the only game I can play and own them at BY FAR TOO MUCH)
In fact, I think the pre-movie entertainment was so much more fulfilling sigh.
Sorry man, the movie was a disappointment.
But I gotta agree with Jacq, there were TONS of nuances.
Might have been a tad bit too much, in a way that it's dramatically carried out.
And subtext too, like most of the subtext was done via the eyes.
So smart of the director to use that as a means of communicating.
Then again maybe it's because I read the book that I know what's going to happen :/
Ahhhh I don't know.
P.s sorry for the late post, was contemplating whether to post this or not then again it shouldn't matter if it was late anyways
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