I just wanna sleep for now.
I find it pretty amusing when I'm thought of as being 'extroverted'.
A classmate mentioned that I was quite extroverted, and I was rather surprised
by her assumption.
Does it really look like I'm extroverted?
Because honestly I think anyone would be able to tell that I'm introverted.
I just seem like I'm not since I ask questions in class and participate.
(But that's only because class participation is required like come on
would I actually do that if class participation wasn't considered in the marking grade?)
(This current module has also got me seriously exhausted.
Being a low participation person and such a demanding module
in terms of participation and discussions,
I can feel myself exerting the effort to do it.
It's helluva draining.)
Hell, friends who know me know I'm crazy introverted,
and I've limited social energy.
Maybe it's because it's school, and the leftover socialising at work with the colleagues
and children is brought over to school, and that makes me endure for another 4 hours.
I'm crazy fucking ass tired, but it's this self of mine that refuses to 'switch' off
until I'm truly alone.
It's probably a persona, some sort of defence mechanism to stop my underlying self
from appearing.
Because normally, would a person like me interact with people so easily and be so cheerful?
No, not really.
But somehow, it's just a persona that was automatically created in order to adapt
to my environment and it just stuck.
It's not something I can turn off by will.
Honestly, if I could just carry on with lessons without talking to anyone,
it might be kinda nice.
Because constantly socialising for 10 hours is seriously exhausting for a severe introvert like me.
And this is why I find it so troublesome to respond to messages on social media
after that because I just want to have my own space for a moment.
Make it a long moment so I can recharge.
It's indeed exhausting, so being called extroverted is kinda funny.
I think Jv would know how I was in sec school,
where I was a lot more stubborn and black-faced.
Sometimes I find myself doing the actions that I did back then.
It does bring back memories.
I would loveeeeeeeeeee to have this self of mine displayed out.
It feels a lot more comfortable and I wouldn't feel so tired all the time.
It's a bit saddening to be thought of that way.
Also, apparently I'm a lot more 'kanchiong' with projects or rather, assertive
but well, -shrug-.
Isn't it a whole lot better than my procrastinating self?
That aside, my procrastination is seeping in like water leaking through a crack at a fast pace.
It's gotta be the november/december hibernation period where all I wanna do is just sleep.
And relax and get my self back up to function.
Guess I still gotta work on my persona if my underlying self is seeping out.
With that said, I'm actually functioning on less than 6 hours of sleep
and I probably really need some of that badly right now.
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